He's Amazing!

Kyle, 

  Kyle. Kyle this is so hard. I can barely breath right now. Having you so far away is torturous. And regretful! I regret that I didn't use the time I had to to tell you how sorry I am! I never meant to act the way I did during my pregnancy. But I can't blame it on hormones, I should have been strong enough to overcome that! I swear that will never happen again! God I hate that I can't tell you this in person! I know that you know this already. You've had faith that your wife would "return" again this whole time. Otherwise you wouldn't have stuck around. You are an amazing husband. You do everything that the typical man doesn't. You've sacrificed your life, your dreams all for me. You didn't have to take a pregnant woman into your heart. You didn't have to take that baby into your heart. But you did! You didn't care! "He's mine!" you said. "He was mine the minute I saw you again". The second you felt him kick you on the cheek while I slept you fell in love, with two people. Who does that?! I'm so sorry Kyle. A person like you doesn't deserve what I put you through the last 9 months. I've been so moody and angry, and frustrated over the stupidest things. We never even fought before all of this happened! We were perfect. I promise that we'll be perfect again! I don't just cry because your gone, I scream, I wail! "Why?! Why did I let him leave without saying this?" Yes I apologized for it but you deserve more than an apology. The worst part is you selflessly blamed yourself. How I could I let you think that it was your fault? I hate myslef Kyle. This is so HARD! Why am I so weak? I'm trying to be there for our children. Aiden is so lost and depressed without you. You are his rock as you are mine. I question if I am making things worse for him because when he's sad it makes me sad. I just grab him and cry. I cry with him in my arms and I'm lost in the empathy. I know you want me to be strong. That's all you asked of me before you left. Be strong and take care of our kids. I'm trying my love. I just want to see you. I'll be there for graduation. You don't know it but I'm coming. I'm going to be there for you!  I am so incredibly proud of you! I know you want this. I know you'll fight hard for us. You want this for your family. You gave up so much to pursue this, I know you will try harder, run faster, swim harder than almost everyone there because you want this! You're sacrificing dreams for this and you'll do anything for your kids. You'll do your best! I'm so proud.

I love you so much Kyle David Turcotte! You are everything to me! I love you! I miss you!

Kari

US